CHOPPED IN HALF

I've been living with Crohn's Disease for quite a few years now and it got so bad that recently I had to have surgery to remove most of my colon. I only have a foot left of colon. I have a nice 4 inch incision on my stomach. It's crazy to think that they had to remove a big chunk of my guts in order to get my disease in check. I was hospitalized for 11 days, not being able to eat. This really makes you goofy. And the whole ordeal has changed me.

I knew I needed surgery. The pain went from occasional to constant. Couldn't bend over, was fatigued, it attacked my joints to the point where it was difficult to walk. I was in agony. I knew I needed to go to the hospital, but I waited because my mom was having major surgery on her back and I wanted to make sure she was ok before I went in. By the time I got home from being at the hospital with my mom, I could barely walk. So that night I finally went in.

Last year I was hospitalized because of an ulcer I got on my calf (I also suffer from a rare disease called pyderma gangrenasum). When the blood work came back it showed massive inflammation and after more tests were performed they found a stricture and a hole in my colon. I also had such a low blood count I was almost given a transfusion.  After being pumped with massive amounts of drugs for 5 days,  I was better and released. I felt amazing for a couple months, then the pain and sickness returned.

Turns out the stricture I had last year got way worse and I also had numerous fistulas that were pulling on my small intestine. They showed me the picture of my insides and damn would that make a killer album cover!

Anyway, the point in all this is that I'm now on my road to recovery and God willing, remission. The disease will eventually come back, but I have been given a new beginning. This surgery has changed me. I have a new outlook on life. My new motto is if it doesn't make me happy, it's not worth it.

No matter how sick I got, metal has always helped me through it. It is in my veins. There were days where drowning myself in the music actually took the pain away. I know I will always be involved in the metal scene at some capacity because it is my number 1 passion in life. All grudges or beef I had with people before has melted away. I just want to be happy.

It will take me quite some time to get back to normal and I have no insurance so it's going to be really rough when the bills start rolling in, but I am so hopeful and optimistic. There's finally a light at the end of the tunnel.

So I may be laying low while I'm recovering, but I'm still here and when I do come back I know I will be better than ever, back to supporting as much as I possibly can.

Thank you family and friends, for your constant support and love. I love you all so very much.

HORNS HIGH!! AND I'LL BE SEEING YOU ALL SOON!!