I AM THE ENEMY, I AM THE ANTIDOTE

You are your own worst enemy, your own worst critic.. Life is far too short for you to not believe in yourself. I guess my whole point in today's blog is to maybe give some of you inspiration or a different way of looking at things, some words of wisdom, share some of what I have learned in my life.

Happiness.. The most important thing about happiness is that you will never have it unless it comes from within. You CAN NOT expect others to give it to you. You have to make it for yourself and if others can add to it, then you are a very lucky person. I try to be an optimist for the most part, which some have told me they admire considering what I have been through and what I am going through currently.  No one is happy all the time and no one has a perfect life, but if you can see past the negative and make yourself happy for you, for the most part, you will only attract more positivity into your life.

Never be ashamed of who you are or who you aspire to be. It's hard to be confident sometimes, especially when you've experienced so much loss and failure, but the truth of the matter is, you will never please everyone, so it's pointless to try. The only person you should truly care about pleasing when it comes down to who you are is yourself. People will always judge you, no matter what you do. You just have to have the confidence to know that the path you are on is what's true to your heart and no one can take that away from you.

Life is one big series of lessons. I believe failure and loss exist so that you can appreciate success and gain. At least it helps me to look at it that way. I believe that if you never try to do anything that's in your dreams to do in your life, you are a coward. Any coward can sit behind a computer screen and make fun of people's failures. It takes real bravery and courage to at least try to make your dreams reality.

"I'M MORE METAL THAN YOU ARE!!"

OK ENOUGH of this already!! I see way too many people posting about how "metal" they are. Really? are you the authority? I'm going to say it, heavy metal is a genre full of elitists and full of people who think that you have to act and dress a certain way and own a certain number of albums and attend a certain number of shows, etc,, to be considered "metal" in their eyes. If you can sit and tell me you have never liked a single song that wasn't metal, I would think you are a liar.

I have seen people talking shit about how the kids nowadays don't know what true metal is, etc, etc, blah, blah blah, There's someone who probably thinks the same about you, so knock it off. Constantly posting on facebook about how many CDs you own or how you've been in this scene for 30 years does nothing, but make you look boastful and sad.. If you are secure in who you are there shouldn't be a need for all that. And talking shit about people who have recently discovered metal and snubbing them at shows because of it, is completely ludicrous! Instead you should be opening their eyes to other bands they would like or telling them things they can do or places they can go to learn more.

I've said it before and I'll say it again. Metal is one of my true passions in life. It inspires me to be a better person, to do better things and to be more productive. It doesn't matter at what age you discover it, as long as you're lucky enough to discover it at all..

HEAVY METAL AND RELIGION..

I know religion is one of those topics on the "DO NOT DISCUSS IN PUBLIC" list, but I've been seeing a lot of things lately that have inspired me to write about it. I have my own person beliefs on God and the afterlife, paranormal, occult, etc, that I usually don't share with people unless I know them well because 9 out of 10 times people disagree and it becomes a never ending circular argument where no one's point is really heard. Although if someone asks me and I can see that they will respect my beliefs, I have no problem sharing them. If it's some rowdy opinionated jerk off who I know lives in their own little world where what they say if fact, I have no comment.. I believe everyone has the right to their own personal beliefs and I can respect anyone's opinion as long as it's not shoved down my throat, even if I don't agree or I think it's wrong.

So many people lately have been posting what they think is absolute truth. The only truth is that none of us know with 100% certainty what lies beyond death. We just go with what we believe to be true in out hearts. Just as we have no real scientific proof in a God/Gods, the opposite is also true, there is no real proof in the non existence of God either. There are videos of supposed spirits, demons, poltergeists, etc, but there validity will be argued til the end of time.

What does this all have to do with Metal, you ask? Well I've just seen a lot of judgement happen towards metalheads(myself included) if they express their religious beliefs and/or their acceptance of God. How can you be in a metal band and yet still go to church on Sundays? The answer in my opinion is this.. Metal music might be brutal, satanic, evil, what ever.. But, it's a way for people to express all the darkness they have experienced, a way to let out these negative emotions.. It does not have to involve the worship of the "horned one".. I feel privileged that these musicians share with us these personal demons because it makes you feel like you are not alone. A person's personal beliefs should have no bearing on whether or not you choose to listen to their music.

I know a few people personally that hide their beliefs from the crowd because they say they don't want to look like a hypocrite. Why hide it? If you go to church, yet your music is satanic, why hide the fact that you are acknowledging and embracing the dark part of yourself and allowing it to be put out into the world in the form of killer music, instead of in some brutal horrific way? I am a firm believer that there can not be light without dark, good without evil. Being able to express your darkness in a constructive way, in my opinion, is the mark of an enlightened human. And I say human because it's human to have both good and bad in your hearts.. Don't hide your true nature, because that is fake and sooner or later it will come back to haunt you.

So I guess in closing don't be afraid to embrace what's true to your heart and be yourself. If people don't like it fuck em!! There will be 10 people down the line that respect you for your honesty.

HEAVY METAL ELITISTS AND THE AUTHORITAY!

I found this note I wrote on facebook some time ago and thought I'd re post it here. Check it out and let me know what you think.

"You must respect my authoritay!!  For real though... Cartman can say it, he's a fucking cartoon..

So in case any of you wondered, I LOVE METAL.. It is in my veins, in my heart.. I like a WIDE array of different types of metal, from power to death to black and everything around and in between.  I like what I like and there need not be any justification for this. There is no arguing taste. It is rare to come across an individual who TRULY respects another's taste in music. I absolutely detest the "YOU SUCK BECAUSE YOU LIKE (FILL IN THE BLANKS)" attitude.  REALLY? Your opinion on what's good could be the complete opposite of the next guys, so get off your elitist high horses and back down to earth for a second.

  I read a post the other day that included the phrase "real metal"  This person implied that because a band has made it to a certain status, suddenly they are sell outs and are no longer "real metal"  Who decides who is real metal? Who is this top secret authority? Maybe it's SATAN, sitting on his throne in his red loin cloth vetoing bands such as OPETH, for example, writing them off, crossing them off the list of "Real Metal" with a thick black sharpie, all because they have risen out of the underground. Awesome.. So success in thie person's book is not making it big, but staying underground.. Alrighty.. Don't get me wrong, I have complete respect for bands who want to stay underground, but to judge someone for making it big is fucking ludicrous and it's all purely based on jealousy whether you choose to admit that or not..
So that being said. there is no authority, your version of what "real metal" is might be completely different from the next persons. No one is any fucking better than anyone else around here. Let's all just rock out and be thankful that people are still listening to the music we all love at all. Whether it be power metal, grind, black metal, death or anything in between.. Fuck it!! Horns High to you all.   Respect my friends, it's all about respect.. "

This also makes me think of all the posts I've seen in the past with people bitching on facebook about people choosing to go to see a national act over a local. Well yeah DUH!!  Why would you miss the opportunity to see one of you favorite bands to go see a local band that plays out every other weekend. You never know what can happen. I'm not saying don't support your local bands, but be real.. I guarantee the same people would pass up a local show any day to see one of their favorite national acts.. Some of the comments lead me to believe that people forget that most every band was once considered just a local band and had to start out at the bottom and I'm sure most fans have no idea the struggles some of these bands had to go through to get where they are today. Again, jealousy is a very unattractive trait on anybody.

MIND OVER MATTER, METAL OVER MATTER

Are our minds truly strong enough to override our what physical bodies are telling us? If we focus on something other than our current physical pain, can we really lessen it? Something happened to me the other day that I wanted to share with you all.  I suffer from Crohn's disease. There's no need to sit and list all the nasty details, I'll just say it's unpleasant to say the least. I was sitting at my desk with a bad headache and just feeling horrid. I was trying to get some work done, but we all know how hard it is when you're not feeling well to accomplish anything. I was just sitting there thinking mind over matter.. I put on some music and focused  on what I was doing and really listened to the tunes.. I believe it started with Katatonia's Dead End Kings(yes I keep bringing up this album, I am obsessed with it) I'm sitting there typing away and I suddenly realized my headache was gone and I didn't feel so terrible anymore.

I guess I might be sounding like a broken record, but when you are passionate about something, it happens.. This music, metal, helped me get done what I needed to and it just got better from there.

So I'm here to tell you friends, there is definite truth behind this saying.. It's not just music.. It gets into your subconscious  and pushes the pain away. Obviously this will not always work, we all go through some truly painful experiences, but that day, it made my world happy again. Thank you metal.. You are my heart..

EMBRACE OR ESCAPE IN A DEEPER WORLD

Music, metal specifically has always been my number one inspiration. For me, the mark of a true musician is not the ability to play an instrument or read the notes on a page, but to do one of two things; allow you to immerse yourself in an emotion or give you an escape. I know this may sound contradictory, but as human beings, both things are a neccesity.


Even as a child I would hear a song and it would evoke such strong imagery I would have these crazed dreams. When you wake up though, you always feel different, usually you have more clarity.

Haven't  you heard a song and pictured someone being stuck in some grim cold place with no way out or being chased by a crazed homicidal maniac?

Or perhaps you've been depressed and popped on a cd and just cried your eyes out and felt leaps and bounds better after words.

I've been thinking about this a lot lately, waay too much on the brain. Metal evokes so much imagry and emotion, it's the one thing that always helps get me through. So when people ask me why I listen to metal, this is your answer. forgive me for sounding cheesy, but metal is the soundrack of my soul..

Here are some examples of songs that have provided either a much needed emotional release or an escape from reality..

Enslaved - Roots of the mountain(Off of Riitiir)
Enslaved - Death in the eyes of Dawn (Off of Rittir)
Enslaved - Essence (off of Ruun)
Enslaved - Tides of Chaos ( Off of Ruun)
Opeth - The Drapery Falls ( Off of Blackwater Park)
Opeth- Harvest (off Of Blackwater Park)
Nevermore - No more Will (Off of Dreaming Neon Black)
Nevermore - This Godless Endeavor (title track)
Warrel Dane - Brother (off of Praises to the War Machine)
Borknagar -  The Winter eclipse (off of Urd)
Borknagar - In a Deeper World (off of Urd)
Katatonia - Deadhouse (off of Discouraged Ones)
Tiamat - Wildhoney...

Right now I am listening to Katatonia- Dead End Kings.. This entire album does it for me:)

Just thought I would share a little bit about what goes on in my crazy mind;)

My top 3 favorite metal bands of all time..

This is not hard for me.. Truth is, my favorites haven't really changed much in over a decade. I'm kinda stubborn that way..My tastes haven't changed really, maybe just evolved...

Opeth - Opeth has been one of my favorites since the Mainstream metal shop days. Raven introduced them to me and one listen and there has been no looking back.. In my opinion Opeth is the definition of progressive. They seem to have a lot of naysayers lately due to there extreme transition from what we all have come to expect from them, to what they are doing these days. So there's no more death metal vocals, their music is slower, etc.. People are calling them sellouts. Being successful is by no means selling out(this is a whole new blog). They've done their time, they've gone through the hardships.. Give credit where credit is due people. This isn't some label made super band who rose to stardom over night. They deserve the recognition they're getting and I commend them. And whatever your opinions are on the latest album, we will always have Black Water Park, We will always have the killer assault that is Deliverance. Opeth's music, each and every album they've put out, is thought provoking, dark and beautiful.

Enslaved - Enslaved is a band I always knew about, but wasn't fully into until I met Craig(the man). He played them for me and I was like, HELL YES!! I can't get enough of them. From their crushing early more black metal albums to current day, they are always pulling out some wickedly dynamic new material. Music should inspire, and Enslaved definitely does that for me.. I listen to Ruun a lot lately.. The song Essence, EPIC.. If you haven't heard Enslaved I would say to get the full spectrum check out Blodhemn, Frost, Ruun and Axioma Ethica Odini..

Nevermore - I honestly can't remember how I started listening to Nevermore. I just know that out of all the bands I love, for some reason they inspire me the most. I can have the worst case of No motivation ever and I can pop on Dead Heart in a Dead World and spring back to life and create for hours (or just thrash about madly with my bff till the crack of dawn) Bands like Nevermore are the reason I live this metal lifestyle. The music lifts me up and lights a fire under my ass. I get things done, and I can do it with a smile(a crooked smile, of course).. Despite the recent departure of Jeff and Van, I will forever be a fan and their music will always be on the soundtrack to my life.

                                                                Who's your top 3??